Pains Of Rejection


Nirajan Pudasaini


Rejection hurts a lot. It is said that physical pain is to mental pain as one is to ten. Psychologists say that the same areas of our brain become activated when we experience rejection as when we experience physical pain. Although rejection does not hurt us tangibly, the pain is noticeable and only those who experience it can realise it. Such pain is reflected on one’s face as sadness. Change in behaviour is also noticeable.

Rejection can be small or large. A person can be rejected on an individual basis or by an entire group of people. Getting ignored by near and dear ones is a kind of rejection. Smaller things like getting excluded from lunch by co-workers or failing to obtain a job applied has pains associated with it. These are the pains of rejection.

Most people experience rejection often. Rejection in love, at work or from friends hurts everyone. Being snubbed by friends or getting excluded from society or family is very painful. When friends leave one from some group programmes or humiliates one in something, he gets hurt. These issues are psychological. Such type of rejection has various personal and health reverberations.

Being rejected by the spouse is a sad event. In our male dominated society, most ladies are ruled at their homes by their men. Girls, mostly, have to face rejection even before getting married. In the process of arranged marriage, people arrange a meeting between a boy and a girl. In some cases, girls reject the boys, but, mostly girls face rejection repeatedly by different boys. This is a common thing today and most people take it as an ordinary thing.

Being dumped by the romantic partner is a serious kind of rejection. When a person you love ignores you or gets irritated when you speak with them, you get a lot of pain. The pain of breakup is heart aching. It may be fun for ones who ignore you or dump you deliberately, but it is not easy for ones who have to bear the after-effects of rejection.

Most people get angry when they feel rejected, while few become friendlier in response to rejection. When a person you love humiliates you, even repeatedly, instead of getting angry one forgets the humiliation and always tries to talk. Even when you are ignored, you try to reach the one you love time and again. This might be because of hope of acceptance. People who respond positively for a social rejection often understand why they are being snubbed off. Instead of getting angry they try to improve their shortcomings. This is probably the only benefit of rejection.

It is said that most pains of rejection are just a matter of time. People forget the pain resulting from rejection in due time. Chronic rejection may lead to depression, substance abuse and suicide. Kipling Williams, PhD at Purdue University said, “Long-term ostracism seems to be very devastating. People finally give up.”


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